You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
