My girlfriend figured out who you are.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
