At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
