I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Randomize
