Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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