Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
