there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
You did what with his pubic hair?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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