She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
