First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
