A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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