So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
You ruined the universe
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
