i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
