yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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