I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
