I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
