opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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