OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
