So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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