i was born a porn star she said
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
