As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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