I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
