At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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