This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
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