So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
