So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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