why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize