Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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