so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
