forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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