Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Randomize
