we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
she woke up with a sticky ear
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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