Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
