I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
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