Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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