it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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