Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
