she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Randomize
