pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
