What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize