when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
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