Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
