Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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