It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
You may now shotgun with the bride
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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