I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
