I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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