I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Be still, my beating vagina.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
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