He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Who died my cat blue again?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
