Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
