There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
It was confusing and full of hummus
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
