took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
