I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize