Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
