Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Randomize
