I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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