hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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