I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
