I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize