Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
