i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
