1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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