i was rollin on her like bob the builder
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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