I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
