I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
