I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
