So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
