Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Randomize
