just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
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