my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
