were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
