Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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