my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
