Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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