I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
