then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Randomize
