I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
