found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
