Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
