I want to walk on stilts...naked
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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