I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Randomize
