I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
