I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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