I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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