She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize