I want to stick my p in your. b.
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
