i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
