My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
