So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize