We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
