I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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