I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
