Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
wakey wakey hands off snakey
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
