the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
