I need help removing her.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
then he tried to convert me to islam
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
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