butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize
