he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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