You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Randomize
