I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
