I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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