someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
