I cockslap morals
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
