What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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