oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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